If you’re reading this, I already want to hug you. Because that means, despite my absurdly long silence, you managed to hold out a flicker of hope that I would come back to enlighten you with my trademark profundity and sophistication. And aren’t you the lucky one? Here I am!
For what it’s worth, I’ve missed you all fiercely. And since I’m sure you’re all wondering, I’ve been a busy Cuban. Since my last post, I have:
- studied for and successfully completed the GRE.
- been ferociously attacked by a flying roach (but more on that later).
- fallen down the stairs at my parents’ house, creating the most ridiculous looking bruise on my ass in the process.
- completed and submitted my graduate school applications. (Well, most of them.) It was a whore. Personal statement essays are basically “this is why I’m awesome” essays. I kept resisting the urge to just send them a link to my “Essentials” page. That’s all anyone needs to know about me anyway.
- composed and submitted a conference proposal.
- invented a new game: when waiting for a prescription at the drugstore, head for the nearest display of romance novels with a friend. On the count of three, start flipping through. First one to locate a throbbing body part wins. (If you’re waiting alone, ask a stranger to join you. But you may have to resort to time trials. My record is 5.7 seconds. Try me.)
- (accidentally) drowned my iPhone in my friend’s pool.
- polished my resume.
- made a fucking amazing raw, dark chocolate cake.
- went to Mons Venus in Tampa where I met a stripper with the most unbelievable ass I have ever seen. And told her so. God, it was perfection. Oh, to have a statue of that ass in my garden.
I also got a comment from Rod Evans, the author of a book I mentioned a while back called The Gilded Tongue. (The subtitle is “Overly Eloquent Words for Everyday Things” and the cover is purple velvet and embossed in gold. I swear, it’s like he wrote it just for me.)
So, while I was busy being an achiever, what have you all been up to?
In the coming weeks, I plan to post various pieces I’d begun and never got around to posting. I may even back-date them to give you the time-travel effect. Maybe then when you come back to the present, you’ll feel like I was with you all along. There’s also a special Valentine’s Day poem waiting for publication when the time is right. (I wanted to post it just in time to counteract all the red carnations and heart-shaped idiocy. Wait for it.) I will also be making a few small updates to IB (housekeeping for the most part, don’t worry) and generally getting my life in order. I hope to re-establish the WoW soon as well. Much love to all of you. Stay tuned!